Versailles, France
There is a feeling of déjà-vu in Assia as Turgenev describes the same absurdities of life and hardships he described in « Diaries of a superfluous man » : a men is not conscious of his own life as he lives it and especially of those moments of bliss, mostly unexpected as if in a
an abandoned and dark room where someone brought a candle
The diary of a superfluous man, Tourgueniev
Nevertheless, Turguenev brought the tragedy further here. The main character is still in his prime and went to that « candle in the dark room » moment having said the words he wanted to say to Assia many times in his own mind. Missing the unexpected instant is a tragedy, missing the moment one walks consciously is a lasting and excruciating pain.
One word… that word… I repeated it the day before crying, I threw it to the wind, I repeated it in desert fields… but I didn’t say it to her, I didn’t tell her that I loved her… I was not conscious of my love in that room
Assia, Turguenev
What vestiges remain of that moment ? A memory to linger on, the memory of a unique feeling, a burn that is not to be matched by any other feeling later in life. And the realisation that one cannot expect to be happy tomorrow, for
happiness has no tomorrow, has no yesterday.. it doesn’t reminisce the past, it doesn’t think about the future, it has only the present, and even then, not a day, but an instant.
Assia, Turguenev